Distance Doesn't Work For Me.

I feel bad because I know how it feels. And it sucks, it really, truly does. But I gotta do what I gotta do; all I have is me.

On a lighter note, I enjoy the feeling of minimizing and improving. I figured out I'm maturing even more when all of sudden, narrowing down was easy. I've always been so oddly indecisive. Also, I've been holding onto all the morals I used to let go of here and there. I mean, I've been such an adult recently. Even looking back at last summer, I was such a dumb kid bitch; lying to Raphael and lying to myself. All I ever wanted was to be the "good guy" but couldn't because I wasn't. Now, I so totally am and it's real!

And I'm not sure what I'm being the "good guy" about and who I'm even comparing myself to. Nobody. I just feel this way. Maybe there's just no one to lie to anymore. Maybe that's a good thing. I am learning the peace in being single.

I'll be 22 one week from today. When I was a child, I thought I'd be married with kids by now. When I was a teen, I thought I'd be almost married with a college degree by now.

My mother died 9 years ago one week from today. Who gives a fuck when my dad died.