There is no yes and there is no no.

"Do you miss San Fran, Nay?"
 That question is always so touchy. It always has so much more to it than I can ever really answer. I miss it in a way that doesn't involve anyone else, in a way has to do with learning, finding, and exploring. I wanted it to last a life time. I wanted my dream city to actually work out. So when I think of the city, it sort of seems like a disappointment in a sense. It was hard and painful. I missed a home that didn't really exist. So I guess I was lost in that small 7x13 mile place. But god damn, I knew it like it raised me. and in a way, it did raise me. I learned how to be an adult there. I got a lot of lying and drama out of my system there, which was needed. I did what I needed to do to get by, which was certainly needed. I did the drugs I wanted, the guys I wanted, drank the drinks I wanted, dressed differently, spoke differently, thought differently. But it was cold and so damn expensive and I wasn't getting much school done.
I mainly realized I'm not much of a city girl. The crowds always made me nervous. I would love to find the perfect place for me. Maybe it's the desert, after all I ended up back here for no particular reason, it was like a calling. It was like I was sleep walking and some how ended up in that drunken downtown Palm Springs condo, which I miss terribly, by the way. That's how shit should of stayed.

I need to get back on my bike. I feel like my body got sick because I've been ignoring my two-wheeled buddy. But of course it's windy as shit and...well...okay, I'm making excuses. Guess I just don't want to ride alone anymore. I don't want to do anything alone anymore.

Despite how depressed I've sounded, I'm actually not. I'm pretty fucking happy and excited because things are unfolding.

Here's a small excerpt from the introduction of my memoir, Fairy With Broken Wings. 

"Leaving the desert taught me a lot of things and I’m happy that I’m going back under these circumstances, with these feelings, and I’m glad I got three eventful, life changing years here in the city. 

So this is to all the weed, all the beer, wine, and vodka. This is to all the cigarettes, lazy days at the park, and the house on Clearfield Drive. This is to the fights at our Daly City apartment, hard, hard work at Luigi’s Pizzeria, and spending too much time on Pier 39. This is to getting good grades, riding thousands of miles on my bike, cold nights at the beach, burritos in the Mission, finding treasure at thrift stores, and catching the all nighter bus. This is to all of my lovers and almost lovers. This is to all the festivals and the freaks downtown. I will miss you. I may be back. "