Junk in the Trunk

My head is throbbing. I ate very healthy so far today, I've been drinking a lot of water, and I took all of my vitamins including a pain killer and my head is still aching harder than I can even put to words. 

I'm feeling guilty. I'm not sure for what, but at least I still have a heart. I was worried I was becoming heartless. I was worried I'd reach such strong bitterness, I wouldn't be able to pull myself out.

All the 'scripts I took last night knocked me on my ass, dead asleep. I was confused and thought I had to be at work this morning. I got up, fed the bunnies and turned on the shower. It was 6:30 on my day off. Luckily, I realized my mishap before I got under the water. I sort of chuckled out load to myself, but I was mostly sad because i obviously had no idea what I was doing with my life at that point. I went back to bed and slept for another hour.

My guilt goes back to a few things that were said to me on Saturday night. See, I did nothing to spark these words but I did drive myself there and I suppose that alone was enough.

I can't remember everything and I don't think I said much. But these few sentences stuck....

1."Stop taking pills, Nay"

2."How are the bunnies?"

3."You've gained weight in all the right places"

okay.

1. You never  cared before

2. YOU REALLY FUCKING NEVER CARED BEFORE

3. Interesting.

It was interesting because I didn't mention that I had gained weight, that I had been feeling fat and my legs touch each other when I'm standing now. He noticed. I wanted to throw up right then and there and believe me, I almost did. 

If there is one lesson I have learned from all of this it's, law school is a fantastic place to learn how to manipulate woman. 

I have out smarted you, thankyouveryfuckingmuch.