Words and Wurz

It's so very important that I write right now. Now more than ever.

It took some weeks of thinking, but after hanging out with a few different types of people, I realized that some spark my anxiety and some calm me down and it was up to me to figure out who was who.
I had so many months of feeling insecure and used. So many months of feeling not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough. It seemed like everyone was making me feel that way, not just men.
I was preaching my thoughts on Law Of Attraction everyday to anyone who would listen, but I wasn't even practicing it. The key to the whole god damn way of living with the Universe as your God is to love yourself.
Self Love is the first step to everything obtainable.
I lost that with some scars and some court dates. And I lost it even more when men just wanted my ever-so-sensitive lady parts.
"I'm not using you, Nay. Please don't feel that way"
Uhh, okay...

So what I'm trying to say is, I had to weed out the ones that really fucking made me feel crazy. There were two, eh three. No, four.

Like I've said before, I am worth more than to feel down and I am my own being, my own self, my own everything, so why let a person get to me? I don't care if you're family, if you're really attractive, smart, useful, funny, and talented. If you make me feel crazy, I can't continue the human contact.
This all sounds selfish, I know and I actually do think it is selfish but I will not allow anyone to drive me to addiction again. I will not allow anyone to jeopardize and un-do all of the hard work i've accomplished. I will be selfish any day if it means I am calm, collected, and logical.

So here it comes;

I met someone who was different than anyone I've ever met. I wasn't sure why. Maybe his age, maybe his profession, background, where he's from. All I knew was, I had to get on track emotionally because he seemed so balanced and humble. And I just knew after one date with him that he wouldn't put up with a psycho-bitch like me.
A couple more hang outs and dinners later, I realized that I hadn't been doing much to curve my moods, to seem more stable, to act more mature. I just was. He completely calmed me down and I didn't have to try to "get better", it just happened. And that's when I discovered there are people who make me feel good and there are people who make me feel insane. And that's when I knew I had to keep him around.

Thanks to him, I am pill free and occupied. We have some plans and everything is going to unfold nicely.