Like an Ocean

I drove two hours to see the only person who moves me in such a way that is stronger than any remedy, medicine, or substance.
When I entered his room, he told me he missed me. He has never said those words to me before, whether he has or hasn't actually missed me. So I looked at him with my piercing eyes. He said it again from the lack of reaction on my part, so I said it back.
I'm so used to men saying things and not actually meaning them, that I don't pay attention to the things that actually could be true.
The day proceeded nicely. I left his house around 8 to try to catch a hardcore show somewhere in Hollywood. He didn't want me to go, but I was feeling numb and selfish. Why should I stick around so you can haunt my heart even more?
I met up with the band, hung out, slept.
He sent me a text on my way home the next day, "Did you make it home!?!?"

what the actual fuck is going on here?

I spilled my heart out today. It's everywhere, no filters, no holding back. I am waiting, I am waiting, I am waiting.

So here I am, been off 'scripts for six days. I have been so dazed and high for the last 6 months and nobody tries to stop me until now? When I'm actually trying and succeeding to get better? Fuck.
My heart is hurting from all the heavy beating and lack of plan for the near future.
I have to get out of the desert, I must.