Politricks

It seems as though, at least every other year or so, I make a drastic change. In the past it has been things like, moving, living with a boyfriend, dating someone unexpected, a crazy hair cut, and drug experiments. And right now, this time around, I'm enlisting in the U.S. Army.
BIG LOL.

It makes sense to me and to everyone who really, truly knows me. As much as I am gaining by doing this, I am also running away from a lot. We've all figured that out by now.
I'm running away from a broken heart, unpaid bills, a hard and unrewarded life.
But I will gain a government job, skills, education, discipline, SOBRIETY, and standards.
I need rules, I need my decisions made for me for a while, I need free rent.

It's not even a big deal to me. Something this off the wall is totally fucking expected of me.
These are all things that happen.

The lawyer called me the other day. We had our recent differences but I let it all go with the sound of his voice. He has such a strong and stable hold on me, I'm just learning to deal with it now. I will love him until I meet someone else who does this to me.
For as much as he's made me cry and made my heart hurt, I will always want him.
It was painfully beautiful to finally know how he feels. I listened and I read the texts over and over and over again even though they were words that I already knew. I've known his reasoning all along, but the fact that he admitted to knowing my reasoning made it easier. He knows we would be perfect if it wasn't for that and this and oh yeah...that.
Well, I am at my prime, my smartest, my prettiest, and wittiest when I'm with him. it may sound extreme, but it's fucking true. Like I've said before, nobody moves me the way he does.
And I can't help but to think of the time at the Indio house when I was sitting on his lap, facing him. He was reaching to unsnap my bra and I was kissing his forehead. He whisphered, "I love...I love hooking up with you, Nay."

...and that right there was the foundation of our relationship.