Reflect

I'm hungry. I'm tired. I'm so sober that it doesn't feel like sobriety, it's been that long.
I've got some people on my side, I think. I can get through anything. I can be anything I want. Nothing much has stopped, so why would this?
I can be heartless. I can be bitter.

These are things that usually don't happen.

I've gained weight. I felt it coming. ugh, I feel gross.
I can't see what he and him and he sees. I am forever blind to self affection and forever forgetting to look in a mirror when the time is right; when I'm happy.

I used to cry in front of the mirror when I was younger.  I'd rush to the mirror and watch my face and eyes turn red and damp together. the tears would roll down and i'd somehow think it was beautiful. I guess because it was true. If i was crying, i was actually upset, and I wasn't faking anything.
This was pretty to me.

I still do it, shit. I still weep in front of the mirror. I did it tonight and i'll probably do it tomorrow.